How I Spent My Summer...Eating a Shit Cake

Shit Cake

Yield: One Fucked Up Life
Prep Time: 10 months
Bake Time: 4 months
Indigestion: Guaranteed

Ingredients:

1 Douchebag boyfriend
1 cup Love
1/2 cup Future dreams and aspirations
1 crappy resort town
2 Annoying co-workers
50+ immature, loud, obnoixous housemates
1 awesome job back home that I love
1 really nice boss that I'm mad at now
1 thieving asshole


To Bake the Cake:

1. Combine 1 Douchebag boyfriend, 1 cup of love and 1/2 cup future dreams and aspirations. Mix well. Bake.
2. Remove cake from oven and let cool. Remove cake from pan with help of Douchebag's other girlfriend who lives in another city. Slice cake into layers. Layer 1 is the realization that he's been lying since day 1, Layer 2, he lied about when he joined the army, Layer 3, he even lied about his mother's death.
3. Set aside.

Simple Syrup

1. In a medium saucepan over high heat, combine 1 crappy resort town, 2 annoying co-workers. Boil until syrup consistency.
2. Brush over cake layers to moisten.

For the Filling:

1. Mix together 1 awesome job that I have back home and 1 really nice boss that I'm mad at now. Add a dash of crappy economy for taste and a shitty facebook message telling me I won't be getting my job back when I get home, just for extra flavour.
2. Beat until smooth. Spread on first cake layer, then put 2nd layer on top, repeat with 3rd layer.

For the Icing:

1. In a mixer with a wire whip at high speed, whip together 50+ immature, loud, obnoxious housemates and 1 thieving asshole. Beat on high until laptop disappears then reappears the next day minus all data and Sims3 CD.
2. Mask and decorate cake.