OMG I have a blog.

Ya, I'm still alive. It's been over six months since I wrote anything on here. Sorry to anyone who actually finds my life interesting. I generally don't, which is probably why I haven't bothered writing anything.

I'll skip over the last six months or so right in the present: My lack of commitment to just about everything.

I went to visit my family in California for Christmas and having a lot of time off when I got back (due to working at a restaurant with no customers) I figured it was time to do my New Years Resolutions. I'd like to know who invented this crap btw, cause it's basically of list of shit that you'd like to do but that you don't really have the time or the motivation to do in your day to day life. But I wrote them down anyway, in a semi-new journal that's been collecting dust on my shelf for about a year. So here they are:

1) Write in journal everyday, even if it's only 1 line. (This was sparked by prolific diarists, people used to write things on paper once, lots of things, even regular boring crap they did everyday. It's a window into how life really was at that time. I thought it was a good idea to do this as I've written in journals off and on my whole life, and still have most of them. I was keeping up fairly well until recently when I went 10 days in a row without writing. I wrote in it today though.)

2) Do weights, crunches or bum/leg exercises every day. (I honestly thought that breaking down an entire workout into three small segments and only doing one per day would be easy. Boy was I wrong. The constant cold dreariness of winter just doesn't lend itself to exercise. I don't need to lost weight or anything, but a little bit of daily exercise is good for you. This lasted about a week.)

3) Stay on budget. (Ha! What budget? I haven't even taken the time to sit down on my spreadsheet and make up a new budget for this year, and I really have to because I've changed jobs. I'm now on a bi-weekly pay schedule instead of a weekly one, this means I have to make the money last. There is also talk of TBear and I moving in together, another reason to hash out the finances. Budget fail.)

4) Find a better paying job or a second job. (I kind of nailed this one right out of the gate. I got a second job at a cafe since I was only getting two or three shifts at The Bistro. This however, has turned into full time at The Cafe. They don't pay me more than The Bistro did, but that's up for discussion after my 90 days is up. Full disclosure on The Bistro coming eventually.)

5) Get beginner's license and learn to drive. (Well it's still winter so I don't have to get this done right away. No, I don't drive, I'm staring down a countdown to 30 and I still don't have a Driver's License. I'm scared ok, leave me alone.)

6) Be thankful for something every day. (This doesn't sound that hard does it? I'm thankful for stuff all the time. The thing is to write it down in the journal, and when I'm doing that around midnight sometimes it's hard to come up with something that's not, "I'm thankful the guy at Tim Horton's didn't screw up my coffee this morning.")

7) Eat at least one apple, orange or banana every day, all three if possible. (Again, this doesn't seem very difficult, except for the fact that it requires me to do groceries on a regular basis which IS difficult when you're trying to work two jobs at once and end up being at work or in transit to work for 12-14hrs every day.)

8) Send one email or letter every week to one friends and one family member. (Again, this shouldn't be hard. With things like email and facebook and everything this should take me all of what, 20min once a week? But alas, I did it for one week and then it faded away. There's also the embarrassment one feels when they realize they haven't written or spoken to some people in years.)

9) Make plans with a friend once a week. (I'm getting redundant here but again, this should not be difficult. To call or text or email one person and set something up. Coffee? Drinks? Stop by for a chat? Something! And someone different every week, friends that live in my city that I haven't seen in forever. But alas, embarrassment over not being in touch with these people for years.)

10) Have sex 2-3 times a week except when on period. (This came about just after Christmas when I realized that TBear and I had not had any naked time in 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS! Not cool. Was very gung ho about this at first. Although it seems we have a week's worth of sex in one day. Not really what I had in mind. Also, while I've been fairly diligent about the shavings of the legs and other niceties, including cajoling for joint shower times, my better half has been less than cooperative. That is something I didn't expect.)

11) Work on tact and filter. (It has been made clear to me on several occasions that I lack some tact in conversing with other human beings. I also don't have much of a filter, and when I drink it disappears entirely. I haven't been very good at this one. I've been fairly miserable lately and that means I say whatever comes to mind, not really caring about the consequences much. Think I need to start reading Emily Post.)

12) Read one book every week unless it's HUGE. (HUGE being more than 300 pages. I'm a pretty fast reader, especially when I like the book so again, I didn't think this would be difficult. Then I got a second job. Goodbye free time of any sort. In three weeks I've managed to read only two books, a biography of Audrey Hepburn and Julie/Julia. Two out of three isn't terrible I guess.)

13) Try a new recipe every week. (Now, I wasn't specific about this one. You notice it doesn't say "at home" on there. With my new job I've been trying new stuff every few days, so I guess I'm keeping up with this alright.)

14) Fill this journal. (I guess that's almost the same as writing in it every day. But it's not. One of those problems I have with my journals and diaries is that I like to buy shiny new ones to write in before filling up the one I'm currently writing in. No more of that. I will fill my lovely moleskin journal, I will damnit!)

So those are my New Years Resolutions and the reasons (excuses) as to why they aren't going very well. But as I wrote in the moleskin today, tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a brand new week. My last week at The Bistro and a brand new day.

Maybe at some point I'll get over myself.

Difference of Opinion

I'm usually up for a good argument. I dislike it when people just agree with whatever I say and have no opinions of their own, especially in a relationship. I generally enjoy hashing it out with someone, submitting points for discussion, and of course eventually winning the argument, or being convinced that the other person is right. I like to be right, but when I'm proven wrong, then I'm wrong and I learn from it.

Recently, TBear and I had a difference of opinion that I'm not sure I can accept in the long run. Neither of us "won" the argument, which happens quite frequently in our relationship, that's not what bothers me about it. What bothers me is that he has attacked a fundamental piece of what makes me the person that I am: food.

I am a foodie, full out, I love food and I know all about it, or at least try to. I have full culinary and hospitality education...which I should mention includes courses on nutrition--both basic and advanced special dietary needs.

Contrary to what you may have heard, you can indeed trust a skinny chef. I am a skinny (soon to be) chef. My weight usually fluctuates between 120 and 140lbs throughout the year on my 5'6" frame. (120lbs in the height of summer, max 140 in the dead of winter.) Seasonal weight fluctuations are pretty normal, we tend to pack it on during the cold months when we're less active and going for all those comfort foods and shed the excess in the warmer months when we're out walking or biking and eating a lot of salad cause it's too damn hot for any real food.

Am I the picture of health? Not really. I smoke, and I don't exercise enough, and my work keeps me from eating full balanced meals every day. But hey, I eat fast food like once a month, twice tops, I rarely eat french fries and when I do make myself something to eat at work it's generally healthy (minus the big slab of cake at the end of a bad night.) I could do better, sure, but I could do a lot worse too. But I'm getting off my topic.

To summarize the disagreement between myself and TBear in regards to food:

TBear: Food is just fuel. It doesn't need to taste good. Chefs are useless and they're killing people with all the butter and salt they put into food.

Me: You're kidding, right?

Right? He's GOT to be joking. He just insulted my entire profession and the one thing that I am really freaking good at: cooking and eating food!!! But no, he wasn't joking, at all. We fought, and fought and fought over this. He says he appreciates the effort it takes to prepare food but would really prefer it if it was healthy. I cook healthy food for him all the time, but he insists that the pinch of salt in the water for the vegetables and the teaspoon of butter used to the fry the fish is going to kill him eventually. And he will not back down. Despite the fact that I'm the one with the culinary and nutritional education. Apparently the government is trying to kill us with the FOOD GUIDE and the SALT LOBBYISTS are the ones who decided what our ADI for sodium is rather than actual scientists and nutritionists.

As you can imagine, I'm quite upset about this. We fought, and it turned into a very silent ride home from the pub. The next day went pretty normal. As per usual it's been swept under the rug like it doesn't even matter because he doesn't feel that it matters.

So what am I supposed to do about this? He has insulted my passion. Something that makes me who I am. Called my profession useless (says the guy on unemployment btw) and thinks that he knows what is best for him nutritionally without any education on the subject at all.

The whole thing is festering in me right now. I want to bring it up, but I don't know what to say about it that won't elicit the same old response of "I'm sorry you feel that way." (Which I f***ing hate because it's such a total cop out, when you hurt someone's feelings the right thing to do is apologize for it not blame them for feeling that way.) If I don't bring it up I'm afraid that it will simply continue to fester and this resentment will grow until it comes out in some inappropriate way.

(Like presenting him with a can of dog food the next time he comes over for dinner while I eat my lightly salted and buttered veggies. If food is just fuel then he should be very happy with the high protein meal I have so thoughtfully prepared for him. No?)

Social Outcast

Ho hum, hum ho. Another week or so gone by and my social calendar is bleak as bleak can be. Being in this business makes it almost impossible to engage with friends on a purely social level. When I do finally have a day off I'm usually working till 10 or 11pm the day before (for 10 or 11 hours in a hot-ass kitchen), and therefore not likely to go back out once I get home. Or the odd times I actually get two days off in a row, I'm stuck at home doing the huge pile of laundry and trying to find the floor of my room.

Sigh. I feel like I don't connect with my friends anymore. I try to stay in touch, I really do. But with a schedule like mine, I run out of interesting stuff to email about.

Sometimes I think things like Facebook actually keep us apart more than bring us together. Instead of calling up a friend to see how they're doing and what they're up to I can just click over to their FB profile and boom, there it is: their life, in a nut shell. So I know that So-and-so's 2 year old has an ear infection, and Whats-her-name is lame enough to go see the Backstreet Boys concert, that Who-gives-a-fuck has broken up with her boyfriend AGAIN, and Mr. McWhiney is miserable as usual.

And where does that get me? Alone, at a computer, creeping friends that I've had for 10 years and can't be bothered to call and make plans with. I don't even call when I do make planes, I FB message, or I text, or BBM, or how many other ways I can make a disconnected connection and make plans without actually talking to anyone.

Hell, I order my pizza online too. I actually HATE talking on the phone. The advent of technology has allowed me to pander to my social anxiety regarding the telephone. And my regular social anxiety keeps me from really trying to connect with my friends more. It just takes so much EFFORT sometimes. And lately I'm just too damn tired.

Weekend forecast: Friday and Saturday off of work (9 day stretch, joy). Friday to be spent at Walmart replenishing all kinds of boring crap that I somehow decided I needed to live comfortably, followed by a trip to Toy's R Us to buy the noisiest most annoying useless piece of overpriced plastic for my nephew's 2nd Birthday. Saturday attending nephew's 2nd birthday that McDonald's no less (insert vomit here.) Followed by the attendance of a going away party for a friend who is moving to Scotland....which won't be much different than him living 10min away cause I think I hung out with him twice in the last year. Possible attendance to either a Stag & Doe for a girl I went to HS witch or go see GuyRoomie play at the pub. Depends how much cash I have left I guess.

Maybe my social calendar isn't as a bleak as I thought. :0P

PS: Kinda surprised I haven't gotten any comments on my Burger King post. Hello? Is this thing on?

This is not Burger King. You cannot have it "Your Way"

Being a cook for a living (aspiring chef actually) presents many unique challenges. The one I hate the most is what I call the Burger King phenomenon.

There is a delicate balance that we in the hospitality industry have to strike between giving the guest (or customer) what they want while maintaining our own policies and profits. So we find ourselves bending over and taking it from just about everyone in the name of customer service and guest satisfaction...provided it doesn't smash the bottom line to smitherines.

The Burger King phenomenon is just one example of how we take it up the ass.

As a cook I get to deal with all sorts of dietary issues. Allergies, vegetarians, vegans *cringe*, celiac, lactose intolerance, kosher, no dairy, no salt, no fat...no flavour! For the most part, when it comes to things like allergies and celiacs (gluten-free), I'm very accomodating. I understand that if you have an almond your throat will close up and someone will have to find your trusty Epi-pen. I understand that if there is gluten in your meal that you will have very painful gastro-intestinal problems for the next few days. I try my best, really, to make sure that you get food that doesn't kill you.

What kills me, however, is the increasing amount of people who simply don't like something so they'll say they're allergic to it in order to not receive it in your meal. Frankly, that's insulting. If you don't want tomatoes, just say, "No tomatoes please," and I won't make it with tomatoes, you don't have to say you're deathly allergic to tomatoes so you simply can't have them in your salad and then turn around and order a Caesar. It blows my mind, really.

And when you are actually allergic to something, you might want to inform the waitress of that allergy BEFORE you order your meal, not while it's being prepared thereby sending the kitchen into a frenzy trying to remember if there's any nuts in that pesto, or gluten in that sauce, or onions in the gravy.

While I have no problems making a Cobb Salad with feta instead of blue cheese, or no bacon on your Caesar salad, or add chicken to whatever, I do have a problem with you picking and choosing the ingredients and dressings that we have on hand to create your own personal Super Salad. The restaurant I work at has a total of 8 different salads to choose from. EIGHT. One of those has got to be at least close to perfect for you. Choose one of them....with no onions, or no croutons, or whatever. But DO NOT choose the lettuce from salad #1, with the dressing from salad #3, three ingredients from salad #2, and the meat from salad #8. This is not a salad bar, this is an "a la carte" restauant, which means that there is a menu and you order from that menu.

And for the record...if you take out the bacon, blue cheese and hard-boiled egg from a Cobb salad, it's not a Cobb salad anymore--it's just lettuce with chicken and croutons on it--not even a real salad!

Worst salad order ever-----> lettuce (not specified, asked and found out they wanted romaine), carrots (which are not in any of our salads and therefore not prepped), mushrooms (again, not in any of our salads and therefore not prepped), and bacon with an oil and vinegar dressing. (Because apparently the 8 different made-in-house dressings are simply not as tasty as veg oil and white vinegar.....even the house dressing of olive oil and balsamic wasn't good enough.) I therefore had to make an oil and vinegar dressing, peel and shred carrots, wash and cut mushrooms all cause of this fucktard who decided he was eating at Burger King and could have it his way. We charged him $10 for it.

The best food order I ever got, that nearly made me lose it. The chit said "Quesadilla, BBQ Chicken Sand." Easy enough right? Wrong. The waitress comes 'round to talk to me about it.
So these people want....and I'm not kidding, this actually happened...what goes in our Chicken Panini (Chicken, Pesto, Roasted Red Pepper, Mozza Cheese) but in a quesadilla. And what goes in the BBQ Chicken Sandwich, (Chicken, Cheddar, BBQ Sauce, Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato) but in a Panini.

I looked that waitress straight in the eye and told her, "This is not BURGER KING!"

But then I had to make it anyway because apparently we did it for them the last time they were there. (Anyone who is a waitress out there please take note---> do not ever do special requests like this EVER because they will expect it the next time they come in, and then every other time after that. No special requests EVER!!!)

Bottom line: Do not expect to have it "your way" unless you're actually at Burger King, because while us cooks (slaving away for minimum wage in a hot kitchen for 10-12hrs a day) have no problems omitting the tomatoes from your sandwich, or putting extra bacon on your burger, or ensuring no nuts get into your food, we do kind of expect you to order FROM THE MENU.

If you want to create your own food, feel free to stay the fuck home and make it yourself.

False Start

Ok, so I haven't blogged since December. Talk about a false start. I was writing quite a bit and then I just stopped. Life is like that I guess.

Update (in case anyone cares):

Was really depressed this winter, things generally sucked.
Sucking even more--->got fired from the pub, for no fucking reason really. Might post the long-ass letter I wrote to Chef (didn't send it though just one of my therapy tactics.)

Stayed unemployed for a while, funds dwindling away.

Thought about going back east for the summer (was getting desperate.)

Found a new job at The Bistro, nice, higher-class restaurant.

Things are good at work so far, Chef likes me, tells me I do excellent work on a daily basis (ya suck it Chef from the Pub who fired me!)

Still with TBear, things are fine, though he's now the one unemployed. Seems whenever one of us is ok, the other is in the shit.

Did not graduate from college, still need one credit. Going to take the class in night school in September.

RedBull Air Races this weekend----> hello overtime!

Will try to write more, and read more.

Just Another Manic Monday

Ok so giving myself a blogging schedule hasn't really worked. I've missed like a week's worth of writing. So, scrap that. I'm just going to write when I feel like it. (I'm a woman, I get to change my mind whenever I want, for any reason.)

So the Roomies have gone to Florida with the kiddies for a week (to Disney World, hate them,) and as usual the list of annoyances since their departure has already piled up. First of all, the house is a mess because of Christmas, not that we actually did anything Christmassy here, just that they left all the gifts they got all over the freakin place. I already tidied up the basement which was littered with cups and plates and other dishes due to the copious amount of Wii going on down there. I opened the fridge today to see a half empty Tim Horton's cup on one shelf (cause you're still gonna want it next Sunday right?) and four day old KFC on another shelf. Not to mention various tupperware containers with what I'm guessing are science experiements in them cause they don't even resemble food anymore.

Revenge tactics: Smoke in the house for the next 3 days...then feel guilty and clean the house from top to bottom *sigh*

Saturday: Kitchen Confidential

I realized after I had already posted my catching up post that the last time I wrote about work I was still at the Italian Job. I have moved on to the Pub. It pays me less but I get more hours, an apprenticeship and I'm doing the kind of food that I'm really passionate about.

So I've been at the Pub for about 2 months now and I have a really interesting crew to work with.

Here's the cast:

Chef
Big guy, not mean, not nice, somewhere in the middle. Haven't quite figured him out yet. Has been spending alot of time modifying Xmas songs to tell the story of how our dishwasher is a fag. Doesn't mind a good fart joke, or a Jew joke (waitresses keep asking for more "Jews" {Jus}, I tell them sorry it's still in the oven.) Takes us out for Chinese every now and then and makes fun of my MSG intolerance.

FowWow
The sous chef. A 21 year old upstart who I went to culinary school with. I graduated almost top of my class...he didn't finish. Funny how life works out. He's good in the kitchen though. Slams back RedBull's like they're mother's milk. Thin as a rail, kinda squirlly, likes to joke around alot and give the dishwasher towel snaps. Works waaaaaay too much, calls me "Mom" when I point this out and ask if he's eaten anything yet today.

Junior
The other chick in the kitch. Also 21, good worker. Currently in culinary school. Also works part time at a bakery that's dairy and gluten free (where's the fun in that?). Is never on time but works hard when she's there. Is supposed to be next in line for FowWow's job (he's leaving in the summer) but I dunno, if she keeps coming in late Chef might reconsider. Is usually quiet but gets some real zingers in every now and again. I got her back for sure.

J-Bitch
#1 dishwasher. Tall, scrawny, just turned 20 this past weekend. Will do any bitch job assigned to him without much belly aching. Including lugging potatoes up from the basement, peeling them, cutting fries, peeling onions, cleaning the vent hoods, taking out the garbage etc. Works about as much as FowWow does and drinks just as many RedBulls. Likes to bet on things, usually stupid shit, the wager is usually a RedBull. Gets towel whipped by FowWow on an hourly basis.

Deeds
The morning guy. Think I've met him once. Always leaves his station a mess when he leaves.

Hut
Dishwasher #2, part time guy. Actually came from the Italian Job. Ok kid, like 18, big dumb football type. Doesn't like having to do bitch prep in addition to the dishes. Waaaay too quiet. That'll get him in trouble later.

Pedro
Hut's older other, dishwasher #3, also came from the Italian Job. Sucks ass at his job. Complains about everything, especially having to do any food prep. Is also slow as hell doing the dishes. Don't think he'll last long, to be honest.

T-Bag
Waitress that is nice as pie but unfortunately looks like a crack whore most of the time. Is actually pretty good at her job.

The Limey
Waiter, dude from England. Nice guy, but *shudder* a vegan.

Big-V
The Limey's girlfriend, a waitress (not a very good one), and an even bigger vegan, with big hair.

DMan
One of the owners and FOH manager. So far pretty much been a prick most of the time. Pretty certain he's got it out for me, he always has something to gripe about.

Special K
The other owner. Seems like a decent guy, stays out of the way mostly. Much nicer than DMan.

AllStar
Waiter, awesome guy. Needs to not order staff meals at 10min to close though. Could've strangled him.

HollyPop
Most awesome waitress ever. So good with everything!

HiDHo
Another awesome waitress, who barely gets any shifts though!

DannyBoy
Crappy bleached-blond bartender.

Gruyere
Awesome bartender, DJ and music writer that I've known for years.

St. Kitts
Every pub has that one awesome old dude that knows everyone, what they drink, and how much of it they want. That is St. Kitts. This guy is the definition of hospitality.

SmallFry
This little teenager who's been helping dishwash/bus/barback on the busy nights. Such a cutie, puts up with everyone's crap.

There are various other members of the "chorus", just haven't got nicknames for them quiet yet. They'll pop up eventually...if they prove to be of any interest.

Oh...I have a nickname too...and no...I didn't get to pick mine either.

Since I have such awesome curly red hair, freckles, and alabaster skin, I have been dubbed K-Dawg...cause I'm so gangsta...watch yo back yo. (wtf were they thinking?)