This is not Burger King. You cannot have it "Your Way"

Being a cook for a living (aspiring chef actually) presents many unique challenges. The one I hate the most is what I call the Burger King phenomenon.

There is a delicate balance that we in the hospitality industry have to strike between giving the guest (or customer) what they want while maintaining our own policies and profits. So we find ourselves bending over and taking it from just about everyone in the name of customer service and guest satisfaction...provided it doesn't smash the bottom line to smitherines.

The Burger King phenomenon is just one example of how we take it up the ass.

As a cook I get to deal with all sorts of dietary issues. Allergies, vegetarians, vegans *cringe*, celiac, lactose intolerance, kosher, no dairy, no salt, no fat...no flavour! For the most part, when it comes to things like allergies and celiacs (gluten-free), I'm very accomodating. I understand that if you have an almond your throat will close up and someone will have to find your trusty Epi-pen. I understand that if there is gluten in your meal that you will have very painful gastro-intestinal problems for the next few days. I try my best, really, to make sure that you get food that doesn't kill you.

What kills me, however, is the increasing amount of people who simply don't like something so they'll say they're allergic to it in order to not receive it in your meal. Frankly, that's insulting. If you don't want tomatoes, just say, "No tomatoes please," and I won't make it with tomatoes, you don't have to say you're deathly allergic to tomatoes so you simply can't have them in your salad and then turn around and order a Caesar. It blows my mind, really.

And when you are actually allergic to something, you might want to inform the waitress of that allergy BEFORE you order your meal, not while it's being prepared thereby sending the kitchen into a frenzy trying to remember if there's any nuts in that pesto, or gluten in that sauce, or onions in the gravy.

While I have no problems making a Cobb Salad with feta instead of blue cheese, or no bacon on your Caesar salad, or add chicken to whatever, I do have a problem with you picking and choosing the ingredients and dressings that we have on hand to create your own personal Super Salad. The restaurant I work at has a total of 8 different salads to choose from. EIGHT. One of those has got to be at least close to perfect for you. Choose one of them....with no onions, or no croutons, or whatever. But DO NOT choose the lettuce from salad #1, with the dressing from salad #3, three ingredients from salad #2, and the meat from salad #8. This is not a salad bar, this is an "a la carte" restauant, which means that there is a menu and you order from that menu.

And for the record...if you take out the bacon, blue cheese and hard-boiled egg from a Cobb salad, it's not a Cobb salad anymore--it's just lettuce with chicken and croutons on it--not even a real salad!

Worst salad order ever-----> lettuce (not specified, asked and found out they wanted romaine), carrots (which are not in any of our salads and therefore not prepped), mushrooms (again, not in any of our salads and therefore not prepped), and bacon with an oil and vinegar dressing. (Because apparently the 8 different made-in-house dressings are simply not as tasty as veg oil and white vinegar.....even the house dressing of olive oil and balsamic wasn't good enough.) I therefore had to make an oil and vinegar dressing, peel and shred carrots, wash and cut mushrooms all cause of this fucktard who decided he was eating at Burger King and could have it his way. We charged him $10 for it.

The best food order I ever got, that nearly made me lose it. The chit said "Quesadilla, BBQ Chicken Sand." Easy enough right? Wrong. The waitress comes 'round to talk to me about it.
So these people want....and I'm not kidding, this actually happened...what goes in our Chicken Panini (Chicken, Pesto, Roasted Red Pepper, Mozza Cheese) but in a quesadilla. And what goes in the BBQ Chicken Sandwich, (Chicken, Cheddar, BBQ Sauce, Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato) but in a Panini.

I looked that waitress straight in the eye and told her, "This is not BURGER KING!"

But then I had to make it anyway because apparently we did it for them the last time they were there. (Anyone who is a waitress out there please take note---> do not ever do special requests like this EVER because they will expect it the next time they come in, and then every other time after that. No special requests EVER!!!)

Bottom line: Do not expect to have it "your way" unless you're actually at Burger King, because while us cooks (slaving away for minimum wage in a hot kitchen for 10-12hrs a day) have no problems omitting the tomatoes from your sandwich, or putting extra bacon on your burger, or ensuring no nuts get into your food, we do kind of expect you to order FROM THE MENU.

If you want to create your own food, feel free to stay the fuck home and make it yourself.