Difference of Opinion

I'm usually up for a good argument. I dislike it when people just agree with whatever I say and have no opinions of their own, especially in a relationship. I generally enjoy hashing it out with someone, submitting points for discussion, and of course eventually winning the argument, or being convinced that the other person is right. I like to be right, but when I'm proven wrong, then I'm wrong and I learn from it.

Recently, TBear and I had a difference of opinion that I'm not sure I can accept in the long run. Neither of us "won" the argument, which happens quite frequently in our relationship, that's not what bothers me about it. What bothers me is that he has attacked a fundamental piece of what makes me the person that I am: food.

I am a foodie, full out, I love food and I know all about it, or at least try to. I have full culinary and hospitality education...which I should mention includes courses on nutrition--both basic and advanced special dietary needs.

Contrary to what you may have heard, you can indeed trust a skinny chef. I am a skinny (soon to be) chef. My weight usually fluctuates between 120 and 140lbs throughout the year on my 5'6" frame. (120lbs in the height of summer, max 140 in the dead of winter.) Seasonal weight fluctuations are pretty normal, we tend to pack it on during the cold months when we're less active and going for all those comfort foods and shed the excess in the warmer months when we're out walking or biking and eating a lot of salad cause it's too damn hot for any real food.

Am I the picture of health? Not really. I smoke, and I don't exercise enough, and my work keeps me from eating full balanced meals every day. But hey, I eat fast food like once a month, twice tops, I rarely eat french fries and when I do make myself something to eat at work it's generally healthy (minus the big slab of cake at the end of a bad night.) I could do better, sure, but I could do a lot worse too. But I'm getting off my topic.

To summarize the disagreement between myself and TBear in regards to food:

TBear: Food is just fuel. It doesn't need to taste good. Chefs are useless and they're killing people with all the butter and salt they put into food.

Me: You're kidding, right?

Right? He's GOT to be joking. He just insulted my entire profession and the one thing that I am really freaking good at: cooking and eating food!!! But no, he wasn't joking, at all. We fought, and fought and fought over this. He says he appreciates the effort it takes to prepare food but would really prefer it if it was healthy. I cook healthy food for him all the time, but he insists that the pinch of salt in the water for the vegetables and the teaspoon of butter used to the fry the fish is going to kill him eventually. And he will not back down. Despite the fact that I'm the one with the culinary and nutritional education. Apparently the government is trying to kill us with the FOOD GUIDE and the SALT LOBBYISTS are the ones who decided what our ADI for sodium is rather than actual scientists and nutritionists.

As you can imagine, I'm quite upset about this. We fought, and it turned into a very silent ride home from the pub. The next day went pretty normal. As per usual it's been swept under the rug like it doesn't even matter because he doesn't feel that it matters.

So what am I supposed to do about this? He has insulted my passion. Something that makes me who I am. Called my profession useless (says the guy on unemployment btw) and thinks that he knows what is best for him nutritionally without any education on the subject at all.

The whole thing is festering in me right now. I want to bring it up, but I don't know what to say about it that won't elicit the same old response of "I'm sorry you feel that way." (Which I f***ing hate because it's such a total cop out, when you hurt someone's feelings the right thing to do is apologize for it not blame them for feeling that way.) If I don't bring it up I'm afraid that it will simply continue to fester and this resentment will grow until it comes out in some inappropriate way.

(Like presenting him with a can of dog food the next time he comes over for dinner while I eat my lightly salted and buttered veggies. If food is just fuel then he should be very happy with the high protein meal I have so thoughtfully prepared for him. No?)