Perceptions

"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."
~Henri Bergson

Had an interesting night last night. Went out for my "Welcome Home" party at the bar I frequent. Ata Boy was there, of course, cause he's always there. GothBoyBand was also there, cause well, he's usually there on a Saturday night as well.

GothBoyBand and I used to date, like 4 years ago. And I mean actually "date." Like he would pick me up, we would go out for a meal and some kind of entertainment then go back to my place and well you know. He was never my boyfriend, I knew better lol. He's not boyfriend material, never has been/will ever be. Case in point: He dumped me for a stripper. Not even really dumped, cause we weren't "together", he just stopped calling, and I knew why. It was fine, I had other prospects, and though it still stung a bit (of course, it always does), it was no biggie. I knew he was just being who he was and that's fine. But it was a little odd considering who I am, how I am, and that we had a good time together. His friends were...less than impressed. Which is always a good sign that you're doing something fucked up right? They hated her. They liked me lol. Simple as that.

But I digress...I just wanted to give you some background. So I haven't tapped that for about 4 years, haven't even really stayed in touch much. Just the usual "Hi, how are you?" at the bar. And that was fine, I didn't have much interest in going back there since I was all in relationship mode and whatnot. Now that I'm not however, different story.

So, I dragged him home and well, you know lol. And it was great. Even slightly improved from my memory. Improvements are always a good thing. Conversations insued afterwards. Odd conversations, but that's my fault.

I'm very curious, and I have a need to understand things, and people. We were talking and I started asking him questions, kinda deep questions, the kind of questions that delv deep into someone's character and help you to understand them as a person. Maybe I shouldn't be asking these questions of someone I would consider just a FB, but nonetheless I was asking, and he was answering.

Until at one point, he contemplated his words way too long. I asked him what the hold up was and he said that was afraid his answers may change my perception of him. Now, he doesn't have a clue how I perceive him, at least, I don't think he does, or else he wouldn't be concerned with my perception of him. I offered to tell him exactly how I perceived him to be, he declined. How typical. Anyhow, I eventually asked how he perceived me, because well, I'm curious like that. I had to rephrase the question a bit to get him to come up with an answer:

"If you had to decribe me to your best friend, what would you say?"

I got an interesting response. He elaborated.

I was a bit taken aback actually. Not because his perception was negative, but because it was pretty bang on. Not totally, that's impossible, but wow, ya I didn't expect that.

That in itself has changed my perception of him somewhat. I think I need to give him a little more credit, and not dismiss him as just a piece of meat.

He's still a bit cocky for my liking, and he's still not boyfriend material. But I have no problems perceiving him without his clothes on for the next little while and possibly showing him how right his perception of me really is.

Addendum: While proof-reading this I got the oddest sense of Deja-vu. Like I've written this before...but I know I haven't. Maybe I just need to stop going back to guys I've had in the past...even if they are amazing in bed.